Process in Parenting

Sharon's post about parents working together stimulated my thinking about the actual process of parenting.  I think all of us, myself included, get caught up in the "goals" we need to reach.  And we have important parental goals - all of us want to help our children be self-sufficient, independent, healthy, spiritual, happy people.  We DO need to keep ourselves focused on these goals. 

But we should not lose the process as we pursue the goals in parenting.  Process refers to the actual road we are walking as we pursue the path of helping our child become a healthy and happy person.  Paying attention to the process of parenting is just as important as working towards the goals - and being in the moment with your child actually works hand-in-hand with accomplishing the tasks we want to accomplish. 

Working with process means enjoying each moment, seeing the twinkle in your child's eye as you talk about something he finds funny.  Working with process means letting yourself feel the pleasure of the moment.  Working with process means paying attention to how important people in your child's life relate to him.  This includes noting relationships with his other parent and other significant people - grandparents, teachers, peers.  And noting how your child relates to his/her important relationships.

As we work towards our goals of bringing up healthy happy teens, let's keep our eyes on the process as well.  After all, being present with our child is probably one of the most important things we do as parents.

Debra Atkisson Kowalski, M.D.

Comments

[C. Dwayne Shafer, MD, PhD]

Wise word, Dr. Kowalski. As a doctor and pastor, I have always found honesty witht the young person the best route, even if it meant giving unpleasant information to the parents. It disturbs me when parents, especially divorced parents, who are prone to such mis-communication. If parents don't communicate (married or not), then the child can play one side against the other. For proper development, children must know that there is an objective standard of "right and wrong", and that all persons will adhere to these rules. Duplicity will only alienate the young person from the parent, and possibly both parents.

[Debra Atkisson Kowalski, M.D.]

Thanks Dr. Shafer. I think that observing our teen's interactions in the moment and discussing observations with them at the right time can be so helpful even if it is sometimes uncomfortable as a parent. Giving this guidance helps our teen develop ways to interact in a positive honest manner which stands them in good stead later in life.

[AswadKannal]

Hey - I am definitely delighted to find this. Good job!

[Sharon Cook, LCSW, LMFT]

Thanks, I we appreciate your comments. Sherri