Today I have been working on a book chapter on teaching teens to be responsible. After that I read Debra's blog on Spiritual Development, Teens and Rules. In each of these instances I was struck with how important we are as role models for our children. The kind of "joke" when I was a kid was "Do what I say not what I do."
On a day to day basis we are not always cognizant of the impact our actions have on our children. Many years ago when my strong willed child was about 7, she could not longer decide what to order in a restaurant. She would say I don't know. What do you think I should eat? At that point in time we would often go out to eat with a colleague, we were both single moms with daughters. This was early in our careers of treating women with eating disorders. We had not completely grasped the ramifications of women's food related patterns. We would sit at the table and discuss what would be the best choice. When I inquired why my daughter could no longer decide she replied, "That's what you and Cheryl do. I thought I was being big." Enough said....
Also today I was listening to the View as I got ready to come to work. The women of the View were discussed the harassment of the gay male recently in the news and the handling of this. They also discussed inappropriate, yelling parents at a high school football game. Again, what we as parents do and say has a great impact on our children even when we are unaware of it.
I sometimes give patients a homework assignment to explore the development of a value. The first step is to look at the the messages we received from all areas of our growing up community; both overt and covert. We all received "programing" that impacts so many aspects of our life today. As you are raising your own children please make sure this programing is the message you really want them to receive. Do you drink and then drive? How do your model responsible management of finances? How do you speak to others outside and inside your home? Do you yell at other drivers when you are driving? When you have a task to complete do you get to it or procrastinate? How do you problem solve with your spouse? The list of opportunities to teach our children by our behavior is inexhaustible.
Parenting with Attention and Intention is remembering to pay attention to all the messages you give your children not just the lectures. Don't be a do as I say parent not a do as I do parent. Have a good day. Sherri
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