Grades and Your Teen

Report card time! Your teen has either received or is about to receive his first report card for this academic year. Some teens are dreading their parents receiving the news that that report card is not going to look as good as the teen would like. And some parents are dreading seeing that first report card. There are teens who have been working hard and/or are very intelligent who will bring home a straight A report card. Is there any downside to that?

So how do you handle the "report card news" whether it is not as positive as you thought it would be or whether it is fantastic? As a parent, the first thing you have to tell yourself is "These are not MY grades - whether they are great or not so great." I think a lot of parents see their child's grades as a reflection of the parent's self-worth sometimes. Of course parents should be encouraging good study habits and helping their teen be as successful as he can be. But the grades are your teen's grades, not yours. The second thing you must do is not allow your child's self-worth be rated solely on his grades, whether those grades are high or low. Obviously the child who does not make high marks will be at risk to feel he is deficient - and you should help him see that a report card does not completely define who he is. If grades are lower than the teen would like, or lower than you think he is capable of making, I would suggest having a discussion about what factors influenced his grades and how he can make some changes to help him perform at his best for the next grading period. Set some realistic goals with your teen about that next period.

So what do you do if your teen brings home straight A's? Again, you should not get your self-worth tangled up in that success - this is your TEEN'S grades, not yours. And you should congratulate him on a job well done. But again - don't let your teen see his value as being solely dependent on the grades he makes. Talk with him about what other activities he has going on in his life. Be sure to talk with him about what he did to be successful with the grades, but also ask him if he feels he is being successful in other areas. If not, this may open the door for you to help him think about and set goals for other areas in his life.

A lot to think about - but just remember, you should help your teen with his reaction whether negative or positive!

Good luck!

Debra Atkisson Kowalski, M.D.