Spiritual Development, Teens, and Rules

Linking spiritual development, rules, and adolescence together is almost like stirring three volatile substances into the same pot.  Thinking about all of these topics simultaneously can make a parent's head hurt.  But while pondering on Sharon's last post about the alcohol police, I started thinking about how teens develop a sense of what is right and what is wrong for them.

Earlier I talked about how the main task of adolescence is to develop a sense of identity - and spiritual identity is part of that identity formation.  Dr. Robert Coles wrote in The Spiritual Life of Children that children and teens work to pull together the information they see, learn, and read to try to develop their own set of principles.  Those principles become their own system of rules that they use to try to govern themselves.  So we can see that spiritual development is critical in helping adolescents try to have a way to see and navigate their world.

We need to realize that our teens are observing our behaviors - they listen to what we say but they also watch what we do.  If we give lip service to religious principles but do not follow through with applying those principles to our behaviors, we run the risk of teaching that same behavior to our teens.  This puts our teen at risk for not developing a strong sense of how to negotiate difficult interactions.  Which leads me back to Sharon's post about alcohol - when faced with alcohol, drugs, cheating in school, or other moral dilemmas teens really need to have some ideas about how to handle these situations.  And the best place to learn those behaviors is to watch how we handle difficult situations as adults.  This helps our teen start to develop a sense of internal rules which he uses.

Our behavior and education of our teens is probably the most critical way to educate our teens.  Another very important factor in our teen's spiritual development is to take him to church with you.  Sunday school and youth groups can be positive experiences in helping teens develop a sense of not being alone in the struggle of trying to determine God's presence in their lives and how that shapes their behavior and decision-making.

What else can a parent do besides give a daily example of how a spiritual person conducts his life and help educate his child by giving him a religious education?  Take the opportunity to talk about God and how he is present in your life - and how sometimes it is really tough to make the right choices.  Praying with your teen is another way to help this process.  And praying for yourself to help make the right decisions as a parent might really help your teen see that spiritual growth and challenges continue throughout life.

Just a few thoughts about one of the important tasks we have as parents.

Debra Atkisson Kowalski, M.D. 

Comments

[Light]

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[Debra Atkisson]

Thank you for reading and for your comments.
Dr. Debra