I wonder if there is ever a teenager that has never been grounded? As parents that seems to be our default consequence. There is nothing wrong with grounding unless it is overused, I have noted that at times I have inquired of teens "what are the rules for you in your house?". When the response is "do you mean grounded or not grounded? And then when asked they report that most of the time they are grounded." This is grounding being overused. As a side bar, if your teen is grounded all of the time it is not working to alter their behavior.
Parents ground teens in many ways. They may ground them from activities, they may ground them from electronics and activities. There are many combinations. Mi biggest concern is when the child is grounded to their room for days. I have even seen parents ground the teen to their bed for days. I have never found this to be an effective consequence.
The biggest difficulty with grounding is when parents do not follow through with the consequence. Often I am talking with teenagers in my office and I know they are grounded. In the course of our conversation they will tell me about a party they are planning to attend on Saturday night. I always inquire - "I thought you were grounded." The response is always (Do you hear me, always?) "If I'm really good this week, they'll forget!" Let me repeat this - "If I'm really good this week they'll forget!" And that is what happens, they forget. When parents do not follow through on a consequence the teen does not alter their behavior. In addition, the teen learns to not trust the parent.
When I am working with families I usually support a system where the teen has to come up with their own consequence. This seems to invest them in the outcome. Also, they are more creative than we are. We tend to use grounding too much. But the message here is, if at any time you give your teen any kind of consequence please follow through. When I was 17 I got into trouble and my mother grounded me for 30 days. It was summer and I had to be in by 10pm every night. On the 30th day my friend had an end of summer party. I wanted to go. No matter who called her my mother just said "30 days is 30 days". I hated it but I knew then and I know now that she was right. A consequence is a consequence. If you are going to use them don't wimp out.
Sherri
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