Parenting with all the pieces is about knowing all aspects of a situation so that parents can make the best choices possible for their children. Foster Cline has talked about Drill Sargents, Helicopter Parents and Consultants. Recently in my office I have been doing family therapy with lots of helicopter parents.
So what are the pieces. Recently I have blogged about parenting in these times. Parents want their children to experience a life without unhappiness. These are very difficult times we are living in and parents worry a great deal about the dangers for their children. We try to make sure they have the best of everything to ensure a great future. I remember, back in the stone age, going to take the SAT. I really didn't know what the test was but everyone at my school planning on college went one Saturday with a #2 pencil to take this test. Today parents pay up to thousands of dollars to get those test scores up the the standard to ensure the "right college". There are consultants you can hire for Freshman to help the child do all the things necessary to provide admission to the "right" school. We worry, rightly so, about what they post on the internet since admission boards and prospective employers check this out prior to making decisions. Are parents right to be so focused? Yes of course they are but all of these pieces contribute to making parents helicopter parents.
The difficulty here is that helicopter parenting with older teens does not protect the child as much as it causes them undue stress. I saw a 20 year old college student (a junior) where the parents were pushing her to take the GRE, now. She had more on her plate that she could handle and this was causing her undue stress. I suggested she talk with her parents and suggest that during the summer would be a great time for the GRE when she was not is school and would be soon enough for her applications due at the end of the year. She felt they would not allow her to wait that long. There are many examples of this in my office.
Protect your teens but at the same time guide them into making decisions on their own. Many of the older teens I see are really good decision makers. Parents need to listen with that third ear. Older teens are in the place of trying to become adults and still have fun. This is a difficult balance but the important piece is that they are trying to become responsible adults. Encourage this process and work at becoming more of the Consultant.
Have fun watching them making this transition.
Sherri
Comments