Do people in your family have arguments over the holiday season? If so, you are one of many. Why do arguments occur at this time of year - isn't everything "magical" during this season? I think the expectation for everything to be special can often lead to arguments. People set their expections to be at a very high level for everyone in the family. Teens can often feel the tension and can react in an irritable manner which can worsen arguments.
So what are the arguments usually about during holiday time? How much time you spend and with which family members can be a dilemma. What holiday events are the ones people want to attend - conflict can occur when different family members have different expectations as to who will accompany them to office parties, etc. And for the teen - how much time does he get to spend with his friends? So time becomes a major factor during this time of year.
Another topic of argument can be who does what chores - chores increase with Christmas decorating, cookie baking, gift wrapping, cooking for open houses or school activities. Who has time to add in those chores? This is often the time of year that your teen says "I have so much school work to do there is no way I can help with anything else."
I think it all goes back to expectations. What does your teen expect from the holidays and his family? And what does the family expect from the holidays and your teen? I think as parents we have to be clear about what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable. For example, some family time needs to be special and protected - but perhaps we can compromise on how much time we allow our teen to have with peers versus family.
After all, the most important expectation is that family members remember the reason for the season - and have some fun with each other during this time.
Dr. Debra
Comments