Yesterday I said I would discuss helping our children Individuate. Ideally, this is a process that occurs gradually. As they get older they are given more and more freedom to take on new responsibilities and privileges. This does not imply that they will always make "good" decisions. They need to experience what it is like to make a decision that does not work out well and then figure out what to do about it. This may sound irresponsible. But if you start this early enough the decisions are inconsequential and the risk is less.
If you now have a teenager and you have not started this early and have to start now it can be scarier because the issues to be decided can be bigger. Also, in adolescence, we believe that we are invincible. But the process is still basically the same. Look at the issues to be decided. You may be looking at your older teenager driving by themselves. You set the guidelines and then have them make short trips. When all goes well you can increase the length of the trip. Please understand. They do not have to drive to the mailbox 35 times to prove they are a safe driver. I tended to give my kids more freedom and allowed them to make decisions because I was still here with the safety net. When they were off at college I would not be able to be so aware of what they were doing. After my eldest daughter's high school graduation she wanted to drive to New Orleans with a non driving friend. I told her that was too long a trip and she could not do it. When she got to college she and 4 friends drove to Matamoris, Mexico for the weekend. It was a very long trip and on the way my daughter drove the entire way to prove to me that she could drive a long car trip. I must confess I wasn't happy about this but I understood.
So, slowly turn things over to your children so they develop the confidence they need in making their own decisions and guiding them into adulthood. Sherri
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