Too often in my office I see teenagers with too much power in the family. When kids get power in a family it is quite difficult to get the power back. It is certainly better to not loose the power in the first place but we are looking at what to do when you have already given away your power. There are many techniques to do this and usually all or most of them are relevant but today I want to talk about just one thing. I don't know about you but I do better if I have to manage one change at a time.
Frequently I hear parents talk about disrespectful teenagers. They talk about the old fashioned eye rolling, "whatever", "sure", arguing etc. Disrespectful behavior is not acceptable but too often we give them our power when we overreact to those and similar behaviors. When we stay "in control" we keep our power. For example: when your teen in arguing with you and speaking in a disrespectful manner it is better to respond with "This is not an acceptable way to talk with me. When you are calmer come back and we can discuss this in a reasonable manner."When we respond in an angry manner we give them our power and provide poor role modeling.
Parents sometimes tell me they are too angry to handle things constructively. If that is the case tell you teen that I need to calm down and when we are both calmer we can discuss this. In this manner we are teaching our ten ways to handle disagreement in a constructive way and we are teaching respect. So I hope this is not your issue but if it is try a different way to handle disrespect and see what results. Have a good week. Sherri
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