I really liked Dr. Debra's blog yesterday.  Dating is an issue of adolescence that I feel very strongly about.  I love that she said  "Dating is about getting to know another person.."  More than that, adolescent dating is about learning how to get to know another person.  I am very concerned that our teenagers do not realize that this is true. They understand dating to be about the connection, finding someone that "completes" you.  

If we think about this in terms of growing critical thinking there are some things we can do to help this develop.   We need to be seen as a parent that listens without judging.  Then if you have been working on your listening skills - that is critical here.  You can have some conversations with your teen about their new "love interest".  Ask inquiring questions about what they like about this new person.  It is important to listen and be curios about things but not to judge even when you want to.  

Please, do not lecture.  The days of teaching by telling are done.  We need to give them the space to learn by experience.  We are always watchful so we can intervene if they really have to have a safety net.  This is not every time we fear they could get hurt but when really difficult things are falling apart. We need to ask questions to help them process when things did go wrong.  I divert, this is not what this is about.  

I got off the track for a minute.  Have conversations where you listen more that you talk and find out what they are looking for in someone to date.  How do they want to spend time.  I often hear girls say they want to go on dates but the boys want to stay home and watch movies.  Help them learn how to ask for what they need as they are getting to know tho other person but also who they are in a dating relationship.   

Hummmm, I did not realize that this was where I was going.  I think this is important and tomorrow I want to write about that.  See you tomorrow.  Sherri