As parents we are initially put in the position of making all decisions for our children. As they grow and mature we want them to be able to make more of those decisions on their own. There is a critical balance here. We should not hold them back and make decisions for them when they should be able to make them for themselves. But on the flip side, we don't want to put them in a situation where they have to make decisions before they have the cognitive complexity to accomplish this task.
We want to start early when for the most part the decisions "don't matter." We start by giving them choices. Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red shirt. As time goes on we encourage their confidence in making independent decisions by asking them what they think should happen or what they should do. When we allow them to make decisions on their own we then process with them how that decision worked out. If it worked okay even if not the decision we would have made, we encourage them. If it was a bust first we ask them about how they feel it worked out and then we inquire about how they might fix what had occurred if possible or we ask them to process with us what they might try in this situation in the future.
In my practice I see both older teenagers and young adults. I'm sad when a young adult tells me that they are afraid to make decisions and/or they don't know how. The other side of this is the young adult that makes decisions but they are impulsive and seldom work out well for them. We have not done our job if they get to this place and the decision making process is flawed. I think it is like teaching your child to make their bed. If the parents just says...make your bed but there is not teaching they may not do a good job. If instead the parents works with the child to teach them the steps and encourage their progress they learn to do a good job. Children are not born knowing how to make a bed or make good decisions. They need guidance and training. As the parent this is our job. Watch for things you alread do to encourage good decision making in your children. HAve a good day. Sherri
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