ROLE MODELING - MORE THAN YOU MIGHT THINK

This week I seem to be seeing more adults that adolescents.  I am cognizant of how our lives are impacted by the relationships we have with our parents.  It is not just about how we parent but the other things that we do.  I am always dumbfounded by the number of times I hear about a parent having an affair and taking the child along to wait in the other room, the car etc.  The first time I heard that I was shocked and thought …”that’s one for the books”.  Now, I’ve heard it so many times that I’m no longer surprised.  I wonder what that says about me. 

How we handle life is observed by our children.  How we are at the little league or soccer field, how we handle disappointment, how we handle conflict, how or whether we listen, how we handle our own feelings, and many more things.  These are not about parenting but about role modeling.  If you are ever in a situation where a small child is with their parent watch what they do.  They are like little sponges.  Everything we do is observed and their little computer brains take it all in and place meaning on the behavior dependent upon their cognitive complexity and developmental age.   Some of the more inappropriate behaviors can have a profound impact on a child and cause them to be seen by someone like me as an adult. 

Things may seem like they could not even be aware of our behavior but that is not true.  I want to make sure you also note that they also notice behaviors that we might want them to replicate later.  Both of my daughters have taught teenagers.  When listening to my older daughter once I replied that something she had done in her classroom was very good and how did she know to do it.  She simply replied that is what you did.  

So, when you are with children remember they take in all they see and it will have some type of impact on them.  Sherri

 

Comments

[Marty Leewright]

This is profoundly true. I have been a juvenile prosecutor, represented CPS and had the duty to terminate parental rights, litigated child custody battles and I have mediated hundreds of divorces. Children, even those with terrible parents, while young literally cling to those parents and most children duplicate parent behavior. Sometimes they act out inappropriately from their pain, confusion and frustration.

[Laurie Moore]

There was a time during the teen years that I didn't think anything I was doing had gotten through to my daughter. Years later, she applied for a job with a major magazine and had to submit an essay about the person who'd had the most impact on her life. Imagine that--it was me. Only then did I truly learn how she felt about the way I parented her. The results were both positive and poignant, beginning with the first realization as to what I did for a living.

[Debra Atkisson]

Thanks for your observations, Marty. I always am amazed at how a child will cling to a parent who has been neglected and abused that child. It just goes to show us how strongly attached children will be to their parent.
Debra

[Debra Atkisson]

Thank you for your comments. I think it is helpful for parents to hear about experiences like yours. You are an excellent example of how spending valuable time with your child is a sacrifice that pays off.
Debra