The blogs, Facebook, late night talk show hosts and others have all been full of comments, quips and explanations. Whatever you believe and feel the world did not end on Saturday evening. When I think about judgment day I think about something else entirely. This morning my first two appointments referred to children being judged by influential adults in their lives. Whether it is parents, teachers or members of the child’s “village” when a child receives negative judgment it can have a lasting impact on that child as an adult. I have always believed that when a child does not meld well into the structure of the “village” there are reasons. There can be multiple explanations why this could occur and frequently we are not privy to that information. In addition, we tend to judge when someone does not meet the expectations we have or we think we know what is best.
Please don’t confuse what I am saying. I am a firm believer in discipline. I believe the “village” has rules and that is important, and it is our job to help children learn how to follow those rules. It is the other things we judge about. Is the child smart enough, thin enough, driven enough, athletic enough, etc. I raised two daughters that have some OCD about food. It is not their fault, they were born that way. They didn’t like foods to be mixed up, certain foods didn’t go together, and foods couldn’t touch, all the usual about OCD and food. People would say they were too picky. It was not other’s place to judge. They didn’t know. If your high school senior says I’m just not ready to go to college, I need time to figure out what I want to do; it is not for others to judge. Does that mean they stay home and play WOW? No they have to get a job and think at the same time.
Children know when they are being judged. It impacts their self esteem. Children who have been judged a lot can become indecisive adults; afraid someone will be disappointed in them if the make the “wrong decision”.
So today, think about the judgments you are inclined to make. Is it useful or destructive? Do you have the right to make that judgment? Is the observation worth impacting that child’s self worth as an adult?
Thanks for listening. Have a good day. Sherri
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