Raising teenagers is not an easy task. You have heard me say that if people thought about having teenagers the human race would be extinct. One of the most difficult things is when your teen acts like they hate you. This will often happen when we say no, provide discipline or set boundaries. Sometimes it happens when we are in public with them. They feel we are embarassing. I remember going to functions with my father when I was a teen and felt humilated because he insisted on wearing white socks which I found in such poor taste I was offended. Poor Dad.
Part of our teenagers putting this distance between us is that they are trying to individulate and develop a life and personality seperate from us. We need to give them the space to do this. However, at the same time it is not acceptable to be treated rudly. We have to set boundaries with them and at the same time tell them that it is okay for them to develop their own ideas and beliefs but they don't get to be rude to us becuase they are worried we will not allow them to grow.
Given that all of this is true we need to not get our feelings caught up in this process. It is not our teens intention to hurt our feelings. It is reasonable to tell them it is not acceptable to speak to us in a disrespectful manner. But just like when they were children they say things to us when they are angry that they don't really believe. Address the behavior but work on not allowing their behavior to hurt your feelings. This is not easy but you can do it. Interesteingly enough as I was writing this today I went to see my next client and this had been exactly her issue. I know this is a prevelant issue so you are not alone. SHerri
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