Parenting teenagers is a pretty tough job. There is really no guide book that tells you what to do in every situation. All kinds of people and places will give you their opinion but it still has to be an individual decision for each parent. As the parent it is not always easy to know just what to do; when to go the distance and when to punt. I started to write that there is no right or wrong answer but that is just not true. The parent that is so worried that their teen will get into drugs, get pregnant etc. so they lock them up and try to protect them by not allowing them to be exposed to anything that "could" lead to further problems, has gone too far. The parent that doesn't want to hinder them so there are no rules is doing too little. There are also the parents that get into denial. They don't notice when their teen comes in drunk. They find drug paraphernalia and just return it to its hiding place and bury their head in the sand are also doing too little.
The truth is that your teenager will make bad decisions. Even the really bright teenagers make bad decisions. Even those with really good common sense will make bad decisions. When you were first learning to do something, either as a child or as an adult, you made some bad decisions. That is how we learn. Teenagers are learning how to be adults. You must give them opportunities to make their own decisions and at times to fail. When they fail they need a chance to fix what occurred. However, when you see them driving head on with a freight train you need to tell them the train is coming. There are some circumstances when you need to step in and redirect or get them help. Some of these instances are when substance abuse is involved, when they are in an abusive relationship, and when there are mental health issues that need treatment (this includes suicide, self-harm, eating disorders among others).
This seems like common sense but we get into our own way. There are many factors that could effect our parenting: how we were parented, how we are feeling at the time, our own mental health issues, how we handle conflict, variables in our life currently, (I recently heard that as the jobless rate goes up the incident of child abuse is rising). This list could certainly go on and on. Don't be afraid to take a critical look at the interventions you make and avoid with your teenager. If you are finding that maybe your plan is not the best you can regroup. There is a lot at stake here. Parenting is a work in progress. You can always change what you are doing. Sherri
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