I really liked Dr. Debra's last two blogs. I want to continue to talk about her blog on cheating. I agree with Dr. Debra that as parents we serve as role models. This happens whether we want it to or not. I am reminded of many years ago when my first born child was just a young toddler. I cursed about something and later she repeated what I had said. When I heard this I was humiliated. For the most part that was the end of my cursing. So how many of you have not been in that situation? I think there is more to role modeling that we may think about.
Obviously, what our children see us do serves as a role model. If we take the incorrect change in a store and joke about how we made out that time, it is not what we want our children to see. But there are also more subtle ways to serve as roles models. There are all kinds of ways we do this on the highway for example and don't even think about it. Driving with a radar detector is one way. Continually exceeding the speed limit is another. In my office I always think I can't be surprised by human behavior anymore and then I find another example. I am amazed by the number (yes you read that correctly – number) of adults and teens that tell me about one parent having an affair and taking them (as a child) with them and have them wait in the living room, the car etc. Nothing more to say on this. Except, they are told not to tell the other parent; are you kidding me? Don't tell the other parent is so common. I remember being a teenager and my mother backing into a light pole. She told me not to tell my father. I'm thinking… he won't see this???? Kids are told all the time not to tell the other parent. WHAT ARE WE THINKING?
Our children also learn from how they see us react to cheating. It doesn't matter if it is at home, with friends and relatives, on the TV or certainly (can you imagine) in politics (the people who run our country). I don't believe we are a society that places value on not cheating. We would say we value trustworthiness but our actions do not support this. Okay, someone is reading this and saying but not me and you're right. But on the whole, this is sadly true. So when we discover cheating personally or more globally, as we discuss it even with our spouse, peers etc. we are being heard and we need to think about how we really feel about something before we begin to talk.
I guess as I write this I am thinking that we say we value trustfulness but we need to think about that and be sure that is how we really feel and if it is than are we doing things that might not be in keeping with this belief system. If we find discord between our beliefs and are actions we might consider changing those actions. It would be good and desirable to tell our kids about this process and making this change. Teens need to know that you can change something; that it is possible. So this week look at your beliefs on truthfulness and then your actions. Are they in harmony or do you need to make a course correction? Thanks for think about this with me. Sherri
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