We live in a world where teenagers are bombarded with images and expectations which can make it difficult for them to feel they measure up. There are some things as parents we can do to contribute to an improved sense of self-worth. We want to help them see the positive steps they take and not simply the outcome. We do this to help them see their contribution and to reduce the impact of an endeavor being about winning. If success is perceived as what they do and not just the outcome it contributes to the healthy development of their self-worth. For example if your child is competing in a musical competition, no matter what the outcome, congratulate them on the time they practiced and how much work they put into it. You might even do this prior to the competition. As I write this I have been reminded that with this generation this is different than the events where kids receive trophies for showing up. This is about noting and expressing the process of dedication and hard work.
I tell the families I work with that one way to build self-worth is at the end of the day to ask the kids to tell one thing that happened that day they felt good about what they had done and one that they wished had been different. This gets them looking at the same process. I also tell families when we play this game parents must play also. You may have to carefully select your examples so it is information you are comfortable with your children hearing about your "goods and bads".
I also tell parents to give specific compliments. Once, my colleagues pushed me into doing a play therapy session. This has never been my area of expertise but I tried. What I remember besides I don't want to do this again was a lesson the child taught me. I told him I liked his picture he had drawn and he quickly responded what exactly do you like about it? Positive feedback needs to be specific and genuine.
We may tend to spend too much time yelling at our children or correcting them in a demeaning manner. One of the things I learned working with teenagers is that I always treat them with respect. This seems to help. Even when we are upset about something they have done we need to remember to handle the issue with dignity.
In this GenMe society we need to be careful we don't overschedule our kids but also we need to make sure they have some activity they feel good about. This can be in fine arts, a sport, or even a volunteer job but something they feel they do well and are good at it. This contributes to the development of their self-worth.
I realize there are many more things we can do to encourage the development of self-worth; this is not an exhaustive list. I would be interested in hearing your ideas. Sherri
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