SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR TEEN: PREVENTING ISOLATION

Sherri's blog about parents being physically present but emotionally absent made me start thinking about how we use time with our teens. We get so busy with our own world of work and responsibilities that it is easy to not really think about how we could be most effective for our teens. I know I am guilty of multi-tasking when I am sitting with my teen - before I know it, I am checking email, looking at the weather report on my phone, thinking about what I have to do at work the next day. Doing these behaviors unfortunately sends a message to my teen that I am not putting time with her at the top of my list, and can lead to her pulling back from me and not telling me what is going on in her world. Teens who tend to isolate would be at even greater risk if they feel their parent is not present for them but is involved in things that they see as more important. And as we parents know, it is not that we think things are more important, but we feel pressured by our responsibilities. So how do we effectively spend time with our teen? BE PRESENT IN THE MOMENT. How do we do this? Put the cell phone on vibrate, turn off the laptop, and focus on talking to your teen. You might decide to do this through taking a walk, cooking a meal together, running an errand. Even though you might be engaged in an activity, it needs to be an activity that you are both workig at together. This provides a way to interact and you will find your teen opening up and telling you about his day or about something he is trying to think through - who knows, he might even ask your opinion. The most important thing about being present is that it is something you do INTENTIONALLY. So think about those times you have with your teen. How can you intentionally be present in the moment with him? Dr Debra

Comments

[Stephanie]

Great blog, Dr. Debra! I think this post applies to parents of children of all ages, not just teens. With all of the technology available at our fingertips today it often takes a concerted effort to be present in the moment. Hopefully my husband and I can continue to be mindful of this as the twins grow older. Enjoyed reading your parenting posts!