Sometimes I see irony in the things I see and talk about on a daily basis. I do a great deal of marriage counseling and I consistently see adults that feel demeaned when their spouse yells at them, speaks in an angry manner or says hurtful things. The hurtful things may be the biggest offense. Adults tell me that they remember those things; holding on to them as truth. Many a divorcing couple will tell me they can't get over some hurtful statement yelled at them by a spouse during a time of conflict.
Okay, have I set the stage? This is what I don't understand. Adults don't like to be yelled at or dealt with in an angry manner. But as parents, adults seem to feel yelling at their children or reacting toward them in an angry manner is acceptable. They will tell me "well I was angry", "this is the only way I can get their attention", etc. I being angry is the only way you can get their attention you have trained them to not pay attention until you are yelling.
Yesterday I spoke about Whitney Houston; I do not know anything about her childhood so I am drawing no conclusions here. What I do know that if children are yelled at or dealt with from a position of anger they do not develop the strong sense of self-worth needed to be successful in this adult world we have created for them.
If you are angry with your child's behavior please take a break until you can handle the situation in a calm and constructive manner. You do not have to be mean or yelling to get your point across. My sister is a teacher and she always spoke to her students in a calmer quieter voice when she was upset with them or they were getting out of control. Please try this. You may find that this calmer approach will actually get a better result. Sherri
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