DECISION MAKING

As I do this work I become more and more convinced that we need to give our children more rope to make their own decisions. I raised a VERY strong will daughter. Everything was a power struggle with her. On a cold winter morning I was known to say to my daughters it is going to be cold today you should wear a coat. To which she would respond I don't have to wear a coat if I don't want to. I knew not to get into a power struggle with her but I must confess that was difficult to not argue with her about a coat. One day I simply said "Okay." That night a dinner she said "How can I decide for myself whether I need a coat or not." We discussed ways to know if it would be cold all day. From then on it was never an issue. She made her own decision. It seems that since it had stayed cold all day she had not been able to go outside for recess. I love it when natural consequences come into play.

Start with the small issues when they are young. If there is a foundation of making decisions they will be better equipped to make those big decisions that occur in adolescence. I am convinced that we make too many decisions for our teens. Experiment with trying this soon. When it is a decision that did not turn out well, process with them the outcome. Please resist the urge to say I told you so….. You want them to develop into good decision makers. This is not about you being right. Sherri

Comments

[Marty Leewright]

I am a father raising a VERY strong willed daughter also. I wouldn't have it any other way. She will never be submissive, mamby-pamby or a doormat to an abusive partner. The way I explain my suggestions to her is that I have lived longer and made more mistakes, thus have had additional time to learn and foresee more things. I want to help her avoid making the same painful mistakes I did. If she still wants to do it her way, I let her. She knows that I love her and respect her and, if there are unpleasant consequences she also learns, I tried to protect her.