I see a number of teenagers and their families. I think trust becomes a very big issue. Of course there is the usual of being able to trust your kid. But trust is bigger than that. I think the relationship that needs to be developed is one where each can trust the other's reactions. Teenagers need to know that their parents will not "go ballistic" when they mess up. They need to understand that their parents have their back. Not, no matter what, but that when they are wronged they are there for them without taking over and when they are wrong that they will hold their feet to the fire without demeaning them. They need to know that parents will listen and try to understand. They need to know that their opinion matters even when parents disagree. However, families are not a democracy. Parents are in charge. Parents need to trust that their teenagers will talk to them even if it is not always as soon as they need to. But if something bad happens they will talk to them even if it means they might get" in trouble". I have seen so many teenagers, especially girls where something bad has happened like rape or sexual abuse and they don't tell their parents.
If you don't have this trust at this time it is not too late to begin. Start listening. Remember to not overreact, even if you have to leave the room to calm down. Teenagers are not yet adults and they do not have all the skills in problem solving and responding that they will acquire in a few years. It would take long to begin to see changes.
Sherri
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