Parenting with All the Pieces

Prepare for Summer

School will be out soon.  How do we help our teens prepare for summer?  First  - help your teen "wrap up" the final details of school.  Final exams, projects, etc. should all be given full attention.  Next discuss with your teen if he has any goals for the summer - what he would like to be able to say he has done before going back to school. 

And help hi think of activities that would help him learn and would also benefit others.  Volunteering for agencies is an excellent way for teens to develop more skills while being worthwhile contributors to others.  And working at a job can be very helpful also. 

Factor in some fun too!  Summer should be a time for fun also.

Dr Debra

 

Holiday Time is Here!

In a few weeks your teens will be out of school and ready to celebrate the holidays.  The reality is that many of our teens are "checking out" now from school due to holiday excitement.  How do we help them stay focused and also enjoy this time of year?

Help your teens by talking to them about a schedule for the next few weeks while they finish school assignments and study for mid-term exams.  Make sure they have something fun to look forward to each week - which will help them do the school-related tasks they need to do.  One way to keep them on track is to spend a few minutes each evening talking about upcoming holiday plans and reminding your teen that he/she will have free time soon.

Be sure to plan at least one fun event for your teen - watching holidays movies with friends and eating popcorn counts as a very positive fun event.  Be creative - and ask your teen for ideas.

And enjoy the season!

Dr. Debra

 

 

SCHOOL IS ABOUT TO BE OUT FOR SUMMER

We have talked about this before - but school is about to be out once again for summertime!  Are you ready?  Are your teens ready?

How do you get prepared for the end of school?  Help your teen organize himself for final exams and the completion of final projects.  As we know, mentally checking out of school before school is actually over can have painful consequences academically.

Another important project at this time is to review any plans you have made about summer schedules, work, camp, and other expectations such as community service for summer.

Be certain to celebrate with your teen the end of school by spending some time talking about the end of the year - what was good about the year and what he feels he accomplished this year.

And have some fun this summer!

Dr. Debra

 

 

 

WHAT'S WRONG WITH OUR TEEN - OR IS IT US?

Sherri wrote a blog about what's wrong with our teen not long ago.  She wrote about the trauma that our teens have been exposed to in their lives:  9/11, economic stressors, no guarantee of a job even with higher education.  All of these extreme stressors have had an impact on our teens and young adults and how they view their future - and how they view the world now.  The world no longer seems like a safe and secure place and there are no guarantees of working hard will help shape your future.  Or is it?

As parents our primary job is to care for our children and prepare them to be able to care for themselves.  Do you feel frustrated that you cannot guarantee your teen a secure future?  I hear many parents state this every day.  So we are giving our teens a message that the future is so uncertain that work and education will not give them a guarantee of a stable life.  The reality is that those factors have never given anyone a guarantee of a stable life.

Our media has not helped this process by constantly bombarding our teens through television, music, movies about the difficulties of making it in the world.  The nightly news is enough to discourage most teens from even thinking of doing their homework - why bother in a world that appears to be falling apart.

So maybe the very thing that is wrong with our teens is that we have not taught them the realities of how to approach their lives.  We alternate between sheltering our teens from information and giving them other messages that they can't be successful - because of the times in which they live.

We need to rethink how we approach our teens.  While our teens are under our roof, we need to help them learn basic skills but also work with them about how they can position themselves with a skill or education that they enjoy and that is needed in our society.  Yes, there are no guarantees, but we can approach this process with a positive but realistic attitude with our teens. 

Dr. Debra

SPRING BREAK AND YOUR TEEN

Spring break starts next week for many students; for others, their break will be the following week.  Your teen has been excited about this break and is just ready to be out of school for a while. 

What activities do your teens engage in during Spring Break?  Sleeping late in the morning is usually at the top of the list.  Teens also wish to spend time with their friends - often just hanging out at a friend's home.  Some families travel during this time.

Spring break should be a time for fun and relaxation.  Your teen needs a break after the long haul from New Year's until Spring Break, and he needs to get ready for completing the remainder of his course work this year. 

Have your teen reevaluate how he is progressing and help him with setting priorities to accomplish after he returns to school.  Revisit these priorities on a weekly basis for his first few weeks back to school to help him see how helpful this can be to the process.

And be sure to have some fun over Spring Break!

Dr. Debra

 

 

POSITIVE ROLE MODELING FOR TEENS

Like it or not, all of serve as a role model for our teens.  By our behavior, we exhibit ways of coping with difficult issues as well as model how to live life.  We are either a positive example or a negative example. 

All of us have bad days.  Have you ever thought that teaching your teen how to deal with a bad day may actually be helping him with his own struggles?  Being a positive role model does not mean that you always look happy as a way to teach your teen.  Being a positive role model does mean, however, that you cope with disappointment and stress in a healthy way.  This could mean talking about how you are stressed; or exercising; or developing a strategy; or just taking some time away from the problem by doing something to reduce stress. 

Teens notice what we do.  Showing our teens how to deal with disappointment is teaching them a very valuable skill.  And teaching them how to be graceful when things do not go your way

Dr. Debra

 

LIFE AS WE KNOW IT IN 2013

I must confess I have taken a little unscheduled break from blogging. I guess I just got into the hubbub of the holidays and neglected this blog. I am back to the real world now. So how did your adolescents survive the holidays? We recently took down the holiday decoration in my house. I always have mixed feeling; hating to see them gone and being grateful that life gets back to normal. I think that is true for all of us just in our lives and finding the end to the holidays. Our kids are getting back to school and life is returning to normal. Is this a smooth transition in your family or are there bumps in the road. For the tens that look forward to a return to school this should be smooth. For others it is not always the case. If this is a bumpy ride try to have conversations with your teen. As always please don't do all the talking. Listen more that you talk. Find out what the stressors about returning to school might be and see if they want any help getting over the hump. Have a great 2013. Sherri

CHRISTMAS IS JUST TWO DAYS AWAY!

Two days before Christmas - and your teens are out of school for holiday break and most likely showing some enthusiasm about having time off and being able to do "what I want."  The upcoming week will be one in which families all across our country will be spending some time together.

How will you spend your time with your teen?  Sherri and I have talked about establishing Christmas traditions if you do not have any.  Establishing a Christmas tradition can be an easy simple thing to do - provided you keep doing the activity each year.  Someone asked me about ideas for Christmas traditions.  Some thoughts are that you could have a particular movie or Christmas special on DVD that you sit down and watch together with popcorn or other treats.  Another idea is to wrap presents together, and listen to Christmas music.  One family I know always attends the Christmas candlelighting ceremony at their church.  Having some "Christmas decor" that appears each year can be a holiday ritual that everyone enjoys.  Some folks may serve certain foods at certain times - in Texas, a number of folks eat tamales on Christmas Eve, for example.

Since Christmas is just two days away, think about what you are doing this year that you want to repeat as a tradition next year.  And ENJOY every small task you do with your teens and families.

Dr. Debra

 

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS

Wow it's December 18, 2012 and we are almost to Christmas. It seems that things are so busy that we don't take time to enjoy our families. I hear families tell me that they have so many things to go to for themselves and performances for their children that they feel overwhelmed. Thanksgiving seems to be extended family time. Christmas, traditionally for most Americans is about nuclear family. With our busy lives this is a time to reconnect with our kids. Whatever your plans for the holiday, delineate some time for playing family games, going to do something together, cooking together, and just spending time without other interferences. Enjoy your children and have fun. Sherri

CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS AND YOUR TEEN

Christmas is two weeks from today.  Your teen is wrapping up final exams and projects and looking forward to probably having time with his friends.  You probably have heard him talk about the fun things he is looking forward to doing when he is out on break.

Do you have any family traditions you usually do at Christmas?  Many families have activities they do each year like decorating the tree, viewing favorite movies, attending special church services.  Sometimes families just take these traditions for granted and do not realize that individual family members might find these important. 

Ask your teen what things the families does at Christmas time that he looks forward to doing.  Ask him what he would like to do as a family.  If you feel you do not have a Christmas tradition, the time is now to develop one!

Dr. Debra

 

HOLIDAY SEASON IS HERE!

We just finished celebrating Thanksgiving.  Teens are back to school and parents are back to work this week.  Most teens will be in school for four more weeks, then will be out of school for the Christmas break.  During this time, teens and families have some difficulty staying focused on "business as usual" which means schoolwork/homework/exams for your teen and work for we parents.

How do you balance the holiday season celebrations and responsibilities?  Not only do we as parents need to do this, we need to teach our teens how to balance these areas in our lives.  Some practical suggestions for teens:  map out what school assignments and exams are due before the end of the year and develop a timeline for how much work you will do on each one daily.  And then write out the holiday events you would most like to enjoy by Christmas.  This may include some holiday shopping, going to a museum, or seeing light exhibits.

Talk to your teen about rewarding himself each week for meeting deadlines.  Have him allow himself to do something he wishes to do each weekend if he has been successful in keeping his deadlines.  This is a good way to teach him to balance his time between work and pleasure.

And be sure to enjoy the holiday season!

Dr. Debra

FAMILY WEEKEND CHALLENGE

This is Thanksgiving weekend - a time for family, relaxation, fun, shopping,.... and giving thanks.  Sometime this weekend spend a minute thinking about the traits your teen has that you are glad he possesses.  Find the right time to let him know that you have noticed these traits and are thankful for him. 

Dr. Debra

 

After Thanksgiving: Black Friday

Today is Thanksgiving.  I hope that all of you had a pleasant day with your family and enjoyed relaxation, fellowship, and good food. Our American holiday of giving thanks is an important tradition. 

Tomorrow is Black Friday - a more modern American tradition.  This day marks the beginning of the holiday shopping season.  I often find irony in the fact that we spend one day giving thanks and interacting peacefully to then shift into a mad race to find the best merchandise in holiday sales!  Nevertheless, our retailers find this day important for their businesses and many folks are able to find gifts and items at better prices than they can at other times of the year.

So what does this mean for your teen?  Black Friday could be a time to help your teen learn to shop effectively and get the biggest bang for his buck.  And while you are doing that, be sure to help him s treat people in a positive manner such as being courteous in long lines! 

Dr. Debra

THANKSGIVING AND TEENS

As we approach Thanksgiving we have our own memories and traditions that we hold on to. We have expected family time, usually with extended family. That is something that goes very well in some families and goes very badly in others. For our children this can also be true. As I talk with teenagers in my office they tell me all kinds of things about their family Thanksgivings. For some they are looking forward to connecting to extended family. For others they are dreading the drama that is usually created. Help you teens talk about the holiday and find ways to enjoy it. Sherri

HALLOWEEN

Halloween is this week. This can be such a fun time for young children. They get to dress up in costumes and "be someone else for a short period of time. I have found that this love of Halloween does not go away as they become teenagers. Many teenagers tell me Halloween is their favorite holiday. (I always find it interesting that Halloween is considered a holiday.) Some teenagers celebrate by going to haunted houses others watch scary movies and still others dress up and scare the small children as they trick or treat. Dressing up is fun no matter what the age and they seem to love it. It is certainly fine that your teens want to have fun on this "holiday". Just make sure they do not use this as an opportunity to make choices that will get them into a difficult decision making situation. Sherri

HALLOWEEN IS ONE WEEK AWAY

Halloween is a holiday that children and teens love.  Whether they get to dress up at school or dress up after school to go trick or treating the feeling of fall excitement is in the air.  Some parents do not want their family to participate in Halloween due to thoughts about negative religious implications - and every family has their own way of thinking about this holiday.

We know when Halloween arrives that Thanksgiving and Christmas are not far away.  So the Holiday Season has officially started.  Now is the time to start thinking about how your teen will be spending his time and to make plans for the season!

Dr. Debra

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS - FACT OR FICTION

Last week I wrote about helping your teens find the facts regarding the election. I am finding it more and more difficult to know what to believe. IT can depend upon who is speaking; where the information is coming from. I know I can be behind the times but today Facebook is alive with rants about Christopher Columbus. I'm writing this on Monday so this is the day we have chosen to honor him. I knew he didn't actually "discover" America but it did not know about how he killed, enslaved, mutilated, and sold young girls into slavery so many indigenous people in the Bahamas. Today I understand the Knight of Columbus were looking for a Catholic hero for their youth and lobbied in the 1930s to honor this man. Hopefully, they did not understand this history. Do school children still learn the little ditty…"in fourteen hundred and ninety two Columbus sailed the ocean blue"? With this information why have we not taken this off the calendar as a national holiday?

There are so many of these dilemmas. There is no agreement about whether George Washington actually shopped down the cherry tree. I am worried that there are those that believe the Holocaust did not actually happen. There are so many things how do we decide what it true and what is not. Again we have resources due to the internet. These are things we can look up as a family and then discuss what is factual and what is not and why that may have happened. Also some stories are folk lore and we understand them to be so. This does not mean we have to eliminate them but understand them to be folk lore.

Doing this should help your teenagers become savvy consumers as well as more informed about issues and history. It also opens up many avenues of communication between you and your teenager.

Sherri

BUILDING GOOD CHARACTER IN TEENS: LEAD BY EXAMPLE

Sherri's blog on nurturing good character in your teen is an excellent outline on how to work with your teen to help him think through what he has been taught and the influences around him.  She has described the many ways in which a parent can help lead a teen along the path of developing a good moral compass.

I find that talking to teens and working to help them think though important issues is vital.  Another important way to help teens is to lead by example.  Teens will often learn more by watching how we handle issues than listening to us tell them how to handle examples.  I have heard more than one parent talk about their shock when they heard their teen cursing and learned that he is only repeating what he has heard them say in the past. 

Think about the multiple exposures to adults in the media:  rock stars, sports players, etc. who model poor behavior to our teens.  Just this week Madonna in her endorsement for President Obama, stood on stage and cursed to such a degree that the rest of her content was almost not understandable.  It is confusing to teens that such an icon can be cheered for such inappropriate behavior.  So to say that our teens receive mixed messages in the examples around them is an understatement.

How can you help this confusion with your teens?  STAY CONSISTENT in your behavior with your teens and be aware that your teen is watching you and everything you do.  Show your teen that an adult can be respectful to others even if you disagree with others opinions.  Think about your own religious values and how you should model them to your teen.  Leading by example will give your teen a way to see that adults can have a strong moral compass related to their value systems.

Dr. Debra

FALL IS HERE: WHERE HAS THE YEAR GONE?

This week marks the beginning of the fall season.  Here in Texas, many of us feel like fall is here when temperatures drop below 90 - and this last week we have had temperatures in the upper 60's.  Cooler temperatures and the many fall and even Christmas decorations already placed in stores are visible reminders to us that the year is marching forward.

Our teens are now locked into a school routine - or at least we hope that they are!  The focus is on academics, athletics, extracurricular activities, jobs, and peer relationships.  The next three months will go by in a whirlwind of activity centered around all these important areas in their lives.  Add in the holiday season, family, church, and travelling and your teen's plate is very full at this time.  The relaxing days of summer are quickly becoming a memory.

By now hopefully you have had an opportunity to check in with your teen about his school schedule and you have some idea about how school is going for him.  Areas in which he needs help should be addressed NOW before the year gets even busier.  He may need assistance in a particular class, an extracurricular activity, or how he is interacting with peers.  Help him problem solve anything he needs to shift now so that any area of concern can be corrected by the end of the semester.

And while you are helping him with areas of concern, be sure to start thinking about all your teen's accomplishments this year.  You might even want to jot down a list so that you can remind him when he may be feeling discouraged. 

Celebrate fall and positive accomplishments.  Fall is the time of harvest and this should apply to positive behavioral changes yielding good results as well.

Dr. Debra

LABOR DAY AND YOUR TEEN

Labor Day - the holiday we celebrate as the end of summer and a break for workers.  This holiday has bee present since 1882 in our country.  I cannot help but wonder if our teens know much about the origin of this holiday.  I think most of our teens see this holiday as a time to have fun before the hard work of the school year starts.  And labor day was meant as a time for relaxation and fun.  So I think you should encourage your teen to use the holiday for the purpose for which it was intended!  But also spend a little time talking with your teen about the importance of work.  Learning how to balance work with pleasure is an important lesson for our teens to learn.

WEEKEND FAMILY CHALLENGE: LABOR DAY

We celebrate Labor Day weekend now.  This is a time to take a break from work and enjoy our family and friends.  Labor Day is often seen as the end of summer and represents time to start back to school for teens.  This weekend, spend some time talking with your teen about what he enjoyed most about last summer.  Talk with him about how he thinks the next school year will go.  Listening to him can be one of the best ways to understand how he sees his life at this time.  And remember to have fun!

Dr. Debra

How Will I Ever Make it to College?

Teens are starting back to school this week or next.  Many teens express a lot of worries about starting back to school and the worries they have about how they will do in school academically.  I am seeing more and more teens who express worries about whether they can make good enough grades and test scores to go to college. 

What can you tell your teen who is starting back to high school and who also worries about how he will make it to college?  The first thing I would say for any high school student who is not starting his senior year is to focus on his day to day activities at school in order to do his best academically. 

For the students entering 9th through 11th grade.  I would work with my teen to set reasonable reachable goals for him academically.  I would also suggest evaluating his needs in regard to standardized testing - does he need to take a SAT prep course?  Does his school offer SAT preparation?  And look at his extracurricular activities with him.  Help him decide what he is interested in and help him find a way to volunteer in that area.  You might consider volunteering with him!

For the students entering 12th grade, much work has already occurred and college applications are now needing to be completed.  Help your teen organize the deadlines he has for his applications and assist him with this process.  And remind him that there are a number of colleges where he could learn and be  happy.  Make the process as interesting as you can as a way to aid in removing your teen's anxiety.

Dr. Debra

BACK TO SCHOOL TIME

Your teen is about to start back to school soon.  He is either trying to avoid the thought of returning to school or he is starting to make preparations to return to school.  Many teens try to not think about school starting - if your teen is one of these, how do you help him?  Ask your teen to make a list of all the things that need to happen so that he is ready on the first day of school.  Common list items might be "buy school supplies."  So ask him to check to see what his school supply list is or develop one.  Another item might be something along the lines of "get school uniforms out" or "get my clothes that meet dress code ready."  So ask him to do those things.  And if your teen had any summer reading or projects to do - check with him to see what his progress is.

One of the most important things you can do as a parent in getting him ready to return to school is give him deadlines for tasks - and help him understand how to break those tasks down so that they are not overwhelming.  If your teen is about to start junior or senior year, hopefully he has mastered the return to school tasks and simply needs for you to check in with him to see that they are completed.

Good luck!

Dr Debra

 

WEEKEND FAMILY CHALLANGE

This weekend you are back into ordinary time; no holiday until Labot Day.  We ahve been writing about your teen getting bored.  Why not do a check in to see if they are happy with their summer schedule and if not what they might do to change it. Have a great weekend.  Sherri

The Benefits of Being Bored

Sherri wrote a thoughtful commentary on teens being bored over the summer.  And she is right - about now, teens start getting bored during their summer vacations.  The suggestion of talking to your teen and suggesting volunteer work is a good idea.  And as parents we need to engage our teen and help him find positive ways to use his time.

I think that we should also let our teen have the experience of being "bored."  Boredom can be a positive motivator itself.  Teens will realize that they have to take responsibility for their own entertainment and for making choices about how they spend their time.  Many times we as parents think we are responsibility to always make sure our teen is either doing something that is good for them or doing something that they have fun doing.  But everyone finds a place and time where he feels bored - and learning how to manage that feeling is a good coping skill.

Be available to help your teen come up with ideas about how to deal with summer boredom - but let him do some of the work trying to resolve this himself.

Dr. Debra

SUMMERTIME AND FRIENDS

Summer is associated with fun and free time.  How does your teen spend his free time the in the summer?   Many teens do not have a completely carefree summer.  Jobs and studying for college admission exams may occupy a significant portion of your teen's time.

But summertime is an important time for your teen to learn about balancing his time with friends and social interactions.  Some teens unfortunately become more socially withdrawn over the summer months.  Then they struggle with having become socially isolated and have trouble fitting in with peers once school begins. 

Encourage your teen to spend time with friends.  Have your teens invite friends over to your home.  This will also help you get to know your teen's peer group.  And model social behavior for your teen.  It is important for your teen to see you as a person with friends too.

Dr. Debra

 

 

 

CELEBRATE THE 4th OF JULY

Today is the celebration of our independence. What a great concept that for the most part we have been able to endorse and maintain. You have rights with your children and how they are raised, how many children you may have, you have resources to provide them with an education, you can raise your children in the faith of your choice (or not). We have so many freedoms that are not afforded to parents in some other cultures. Celebrate with your family for the freedoms you have. Happy 4^th Sherri

THE SUMMER VACATION

The family vacation is an important event in the life of a family. I believe that a family vacations are important because it is usually a time dedicated to just having a good time. Usually parents to no have work, parents and kids do not have to do chores etc. It is just a time to relax and have fun together. Our children need to see us as regular people who like to have fun just like them. They need to see us as less stressed and just focused on family. It is a time to bond as a family and to make memories. It does not have to be a trip to Paris or a cruise. It should fit into the family interests and finances. Whatever it is it should be fun and not stressful. If driving is stressful in your family you might find a different way to travel. I hope you are able to enjoy your family with some type of vacation this year. Sherri

Fourth of July Celebrations

Americans will be celebrating July Fourth, the birthday of our country, this week.  Many of us look forward to having a day off work.  Teens who are enjoying being out of school for summer see this as a holiday.   And this is a holiday that should be celebrated! 

Safety should come first in celebrating this holiday:  firewords can be unsafe if used in dry areas or teens are not well-supervised in their use.  Alcohol is often around during these holiday celebrations - and your teen may be celebrating with friends.  Be sure to talk to your teen about the risks of drinking and how to safely have fun.  Check with the parents of any friends who your teen is spending time with over the holiday to feel comfortable that no alcohol is served to teens. 

But with all the fun and celebrations, don't forget to spend a few minutes remembering with your teen what the birthday of America represents.  We Americans have a rich legacy of freedom which came at a high cost.  This Fourth of July all of us should spend some moments of remembrance of those who gave us our freedom.

Have a safe and happy Fourth of July.

Dr. Debra

FUN, FRIENDS, AND SUMMERTIME

Summertime is important for teens to have time to decompress after the hectic school year.

Teens should have fun during this time and should spend time with friends in relaxing activities.  Many of these activities usually include listening to music, watching television, watching movies, eating together, attending concerts, going to parks, etc.  Your community may have a number of activities that your teens can enjoy, such as concerts in the Park, Shakespeare in the Park, summer concerts and exhibits, to name a few.  Help your teen find all the many offerings in your community and discuss ways he can involve his friends.

We have talked about social isolation.  Many teens with social isolation do not venture out into their communities, instead withdrawing into the virtual community they create on their computers.  Talk with your teen about how doing activities in the community is rewarding. 

And while you are talking about fun and friends, talk about something your teen would like to look back and remember when the summer is over. 

Have some fun yourself!  You deserve it.

Dr.Debra

 

 

 

MORE ON VOLUNTEERING TO DEAL WITH SOCIAL ISOLATION

I really loved Dr. Debra's post yesterday. I truly believe that teenagers need some structure in the summer. They need time to just hang out with friends etc. but they also need some structure. Summer jobs are currently difficult to find and that means that volunteer work is perfect. Many teens need volunteer hours for school or NHS. Our teens need also to develop a sense of giving back. There are opportunities out there if you look. My daughter's volunteered at the local zoo. It was a wonderful program; not only did they get to work with the animals at the zoo(My daughter still talks about dipping frozen rodents into raw egg to feed that snakes,) but in the afternoon they had speakers on to find a job, how to write a resume and many other things. There was also strict dress code etc. like an employer would expect. This was not a volunteer position. We had to pay to be in this program but it was worth it. Many families cannot afford to pay for summer activities but there are volunteer jobs available. When they are looking for first jobs these volunteer positions can go on their resume. In addition, they learn a great deal about the "real world" and themselves. Sherri

SOCIAL ISOLATION, YOUR TEEN, AND SUMMER

Teens are usually very happy about the arrival of summertime and vacation away from school  But how does this impact the teen who struggles with social isolation?

A teen who does not have many social connections may escape into a virtual world of friendship in his computer.  Although this may help the teen not feel alone (which is important), this type of relating to others does not help social skills and can in fact lead to more social isolation.  A concerned parent should not take away all computer gaming, etc., but should limit the amount.

Summer provides a time to help your teen learn different ways to relate to others.  Volunteering helps your teen develop social skills while helping him to develop increased self-esteem because he is helping others.  Many forums for volunteering exist for teens in the summer.  Camps, child-care facilitiies, nursing homes, hospitals, missions, and churches are agencies that are usually looking for volunteers.  And your teen will meet others who are volunteering and may develop some positive relationships. 

Look at agencies in your areas that offer summer enrichment programs for teens also - your teen could benefit from taking a class himself.  He might not only learn something new or improve his skills, but he might meet some new positive friends as well.

As a parent, motivate and encourage your teen to look at summer enrichment and volunteering.  And be sure to get him to talk about what he might be interested in doing - that involves others in the real, not virtual, world.

Dr. Debra

 

 

SUMMER VACATIONS

Now that we are getting into summer it is time to think about vacations. Does your family take a vacation? I think vacations are important. It doesn't mean that you have to go far away and spend a great deal of money. What it does mean is that this is special time with your kids to spend time together without the burden of work and chores. You may not get to go away from home but there needs to be time to just enjoy each other. A vacation is not just about getting away. I knew a teenager once where the family took vacations with other families but the teenagers never interacted with their parents. This does not help that bonding factor. Our kids need to spend time with us where we are not stressed by the factors at work and home. We need to enjoy each other. I hope you are able to spend some time like that this year. Sherri

TEENS AND SUMMER

Most teens will be out of school within a month.  We have talked before about how important it is to start thinking about how to help your teen finish the school year and plan for summer.  I think that having fun is a major priority for teens in the summer - and having fun is important.  But your teen needs to value fun with service, work, and preparation for future interests.  A job can be extremely important - your teen learns the importance of work and service through a job.  And this can be combined with exploring future interests - for example, working in a hospital in some capacity can help the teen learn about healthcare interests.

While helping with your teen's planning, do make sure that fun is added into the mix!

Dr. Debra

TEENS, SCHOOL, AND WORK

 Teens have a tendency to get so busy with all of their activities that they frequently do not think about how to manage their time so that they can focus on school and also focus on working. 

How do we  help teens with finding the right balance.  I think the first emphasis that parents should make for their teens is that SCHOOL is their main job at this time.  The task for the teen is to learn and prepare himself for higher education or work after he has finished high school.  Teens who get off-balance with this may not complete high school.  I have known teens who were so focused on how much money they could make that they cut class or did not complete class assignments and as a consequence did not graduate on time.

Discuss with your teen that his primary occupation is obtaining an education.  But also talk to him about how education occurs in other areas of his life and working helps complete his education.  Encourage your teen to work, especially this summer, but also let him know that you are available to him to help find the balance between his main job - school - and his secondary job.

Dr. Debra

FAMILY WEEKEND CHALLENGE

We have been posting about working with your teen to start thinking and planning on summer. Spend some time this weekend talking with your teen about his thoughts about summer as a way to start the conversation. Dr. Debra

SUMMER AND YOUR TEEN

Summer is just around the corner. Your teen is probably getting excited about the end of school and having fun this summer. And summer should definitely be about fun. But is there anything you should be helping your teen think about to prepare for summertime besides fun? Summer can be a very rewarding time for teens; they can find time to do community service and engage in other activities that are enriching to them. During summer your teen should have fun; but help him use his time wisely to work on investigating interests he has. He might discover an interest which leads him to his future career. And volunteering can help him develop a sense of confidence and competence while he does something to help others. Dr. Debra

TEENS AND MAKING DECISIONS

Sherri has given us a lot to think about in her recent posts. She has discussed how you think through issues with your teen about feelings and relationships. I think that we can carry this further with helping our teen think about decision making. If our teen does not learn how to handle "small decisions" then he will not be able to work through more important decisions later. I often tell teens that there are two decisions that will have great impact on their lives: 1) the education and training you receive to prepare you for a job – hopefully one you like and 2) the person you select as your mate. Either decision can have a major impact on your life. I believe people get to the place where they can effectively consier the pros/cons of relationships and work when they have learned as a teen to solve problems. Help your teen think about traits he or she would want in a boyfriend or future spouse and then talk to the about how they evaluate this information and make decisions. Do the same exercise with work and career. You will be amazed at how much discussion can start form this.

Dr. Debra

FAMILY WEEKEND CHALLENGE: ST. PATRICK'S DAY

Tomorrow is Saint Patrick's Day which is filled with folks celebrating the patron saint of Ireland. Whether your family celebrates Saint Paddy's day or not, his story is very compelling. He was kidnapped from his family - and there is controversy as to whether he was born in Dumbarton, Scotland or Wales - and taken as a slave to Ireland. After escaping, he later returned there as a priest to serve the people of Ireland. The theme of being taken from your family could open a discussion with your teen about how Patrick must have felt when he left home so abruptly. You might be surprised about your teen's thoughts on leaving home. If you have not had that discussion, this might be an easy way to bring up the subject. Happy Saint Patrick's Day! Dr. Debra

Spring Break

This week or next week your teen will have the pleasure of having a week off from school – spring break. Teens, teachers, and parents often need a break around this time. So what do you do at spring break? Many parents work, although some families take time off during this week. How do you manage this week as a family? For those parents who work during spring break week, take some time to help your teen develop ideas of fun things to do during the day with friends or at home. Be sure to plan something for the family to do for fun sometime during the week. For families who are taking time off during this week, be sure to plan some time together. It is surprising how many people take time off but wind up not spending time together. But whatever you do, be sure to have fun. Because spring break happens all too fast and your teen will be in a whirlwind to complete the school semester once school resumes. Dr Debra

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS AND YOUR TEEN

Every year many Americans make New Year's resolutions. The typical resolutions are usually along the lines of losing weight, exercising, saving money, improving a relationship, etc. And many Americans have good intentions about these resolutions. But the best of intentions can go to the wayside after the new year gets into the swing of being busy. How does your teen view your New Year's resolutions? Do they see you as breaking the same resolutions every year? Does your teen think that New Year's resolutions are something that is not taken seriously? I challenge you to find one New Year's resolution that you think is worth following this year - like taking time to improve your relationship with your teen - and let your teen see you work towards that goal. Dr. Debra

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. Many friends are getting together to celebrate the beginning of a new year, 2012. The holiday season will be ending in an evening of merriment. Your teen probably will be seeing his friends as well. Tomorrow, the last day of 2011, try to take a few moments to think about what has been positive about the past year. Talk to your teen and help him reflect. If he is going out with friends, remind him about the importance of not drinking and driving, and how unsafe the roads can be on New Year's Eve because of all the folks who do drink and drive. Talk to him about his hopes for the new year, for 2012. And be sure to have a good time as we end the holiday season! Dr. Debra

END OF THE YEAR REFLECTIONS

We are in the transition time between Christmas and New Year's Eve. Many people spend time during this week with family and friends. Retail businesses are busy with sales and exchanges. The holiday lights are still blazing at night, the holiday new movie releases are playing, and people are still making merry. Your teenager is off from school this week and probably enjoying texting his friends and spending time with friends. This is a time of year to enjoy the company of those you care about and to start thinking about how the year has been for you. For many this has been a difficult year - one of tough financial times, losses, fears about the future. But amongst those concerns have also been moments of joy and insight. Talk to your teen about how this year has been for him - discuss the things that have been positive and the things that have been negative. Help him think through how he might have handled the negative moments in a way that he feels O.K. about today. And be sure to praise him for how he has handled tough times and for his successes. This is the time of year to be thinking back before we move before into next year. Dr. Debra

FAMILY WEEKEND CHALLENGE

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. We wish all of you a happy holiday season and hope you have a joyful time celebrating your family's faith tradition. Take a few moments to note the people who you have with you and treasure these moments. Let your teens know you appreciate them. Dr. Debra

FEELING LIKE CHRISTMAS?

All of us realize Christmas is four days away. We are all thinking about everything that needs to be done in these last few days to be "ready." So what are we getting ready for? We are focused on gifts and food to be prepared for family. And this is important - none of us want to be empty-handed for those we care for at this holiday time. After getting all these preparations made, what is left to do? Spend a few minutes thinking about what you want to remember next year about how you felt this season. Who do you appreciate in your life? Have you told that person or persons they are important to you? Will you see people who really matter to you? Try to spend time with these people and enjoy the time you spend with them - which can help you feel like Christmas is present. Traditions in your famiy are so important as a way to help you feel the spirit of the season. Faith traditions are important - and for many of us mark the highlight of the day. I wish for all of you that you have a feeling of peace this season. Dr. Debra

TRADITIONS

Yesterday I wrote about not pushing what was bothering you under the carpet for the holidays but making a plan to address the issue. After you have done that it is time to get to the business of enjoying the holidays. When there are changes in your life you can make adjustments in your plan or traditions. When my daughters were young and I had recently divorced their father I decided to change some traditions. I ask them to help me decide what we would do for Christmas dinner. They decided they wanted hot dogs and s'mores cooked in the fireplace. I had to do all the "cooking" it was too hot for them but they enjoyed this and for a number of years this was our tradition. I can't say I wasn't grateful when they decided to let go of this tradition but it was perfect for them at the time. Make whatever plan works for your family. Traditions are important and make the holidays special. Merry Christmas. Sherri

CHRISTMAS AND TROUBLES

It is less than a week until Christmas. We have been talking about balance among other things. As I spent this week talking to patients in my office I am struck by how difficult life is for many of us. Granted there is a range to this. Some are struggling with terminal illness, divorce, prison among other things. Others have troubled marriages, serious issues on their jobs, problems with teenagers and the list goes on. For many of us this is such a difficult time of year because we have other issues that seem impossible to put aside. I realize that there are a lucky few where there are no problems. Count your blessings.

For those of us that are struggling this is a time of new beginnings. This is not about New Year's resolutions (that is for next week). This is about looking at the problem differently. Take whatever issue you are having. Determine what is actually in your control. After you have done that look at what you realistically would like to be able to say about this issue next year at this time. Remember the key words here are what is actually in your control and realistically. Then develop a plan to reach this goal at this time next year. When you have started on this plan it will allow you to worry about it less and it will make space to enjoy this time of peace and good will. I hope you can do this and find it helpful. Merry Christmas, Sherri

ONE WEEK AND COUNTING

ONE WEEK AND COUNTING

Christmas is one week from today. Many teens and their family members were shopping today for gifts. This week will be busy with wrapping gifts and preparing for the holiday. Everyone gets so busy this time of year with the "busyness" of the season. How do you handle this with your teen? Many families get very focused on trying to do everything to make their teen happy with material goods this season. This year try to spend time pointing out to your teen the importance of the season for you and your family. Through all the busyness, try to spend a few minutes each day talking with your teen. Help them with their tasks and help them make time to relax and just soak in the beauty of the season.

Trying to work on finding balance in this last week before the holiday is not easy – but is well worth it!

Dr. Debra

FAMILY WEEKEND CHALLANGE

So, merry Christmas just 10 days before the holiday. This weekend will be a very busy time of shopping, cooking etc. Whatever you have to do in your house to get ready to "relax" or entertain. Find time this weekend to spend a little quite time for yourself. Even if only for 10 – 15 minutes. We must all be careful to not get overwhelmed because that is when we get less patient. Have a calmer weekend. Sherri

MORE ON BALANCE DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Yesterday, Dr. Debra wrote about balancing the many aspects of the holidays. How quickly we lose sight of that. As I was reading her post I thought about the kind of role modeling we, as parents, do during the holidays. We need to be better about balance in all things. This morning I heard of the news that a substantially larger than usual (I forgot the statistic) were spending cash instead of using credit. That is an example of using balance. During the holidays we have all kinds of food especially sweets available everywhere. We model balance by eating those treats but in moderation. How much we take on and not taking on more that we can reasonable handle demonstrates balance. This time of year more than any other is a time of excesses.

We all become so stressed during the holidays that we lose sight of the spirit of Christmas. The more we focus on balance for ourselves the better role models we are for our children. This is a win - win because they learn about balance and we feel more relaxed and happy. Work hard on this this season. Merry Christmas. Sherri